gardenia

A wilting flower's death,
comes with it's sweet and fragrant final breath.

Once each petal's withered brown,
each velvet ray has drifted down.

  
Still a hint of life remains,
a vague scent of beauty sings a solemn strain;

and only those with eyes to see

can, in mind, understand its former glory.

-written 5/?/2011-

...a dive...

 ...a quiet splash...

i dive straight and shallow, deep and strong.  The cool water glides over me and i am blind... flying.  Those sweet moments of complete freedom from the world, when the only thing that matters is holding my breath and feeling the water speed pass.  Seeing the light through my closed eyes shine in patches on water.  All the cares and worries are left behind, because for an instant in time i am too fast for them to keep up.  It is like a dance, like a symphony, like a pure emotion, like a pause in time.  Then i reach the end, surface for air.  The quiet is gone, the noisy world crowds in.  The cool is gone, the sun glares hot.  The motion is gone, i am still.  The feeling is gone, my worries have caught up.  So i get out, walk across the burning pavement, and do it all over again.

-written 5/10/2011-

..........bend me

i'm scared to death... but then i hear the breeze blowing outside my window.  Strong, gentle... Swaying the trees, bending them to it's mercy.  Making the leaves dance in a quiet song.

The breeze finds it's way to me and i'm calm again, cool again.

 

Each time the pine trees bend in the wind, they always end up strong again.  Always stand up tall again.  They may be a little more bare, but their roots are strong.

Each time the wind blows my life around, i think it is time to fall.  i think it is time to give up and stop trying anymore.  i forget that i'm only bent and not broken.  And when the wind stops blowing, i will learn how to stand up straight again...  because my roots are stronger, and i will last longer than those stormy winds thought i would.  It's only when i give up that the wind will break me down.  Only when i stop bending that i will break.
 
A dancer cannot dance when she has not stretched - she will pull a muscle.  But the more she stretches, again and again over time, the more agile and flexible she will be.  And after a while, instead of only going this far, she will be able to go much further.
   
The same with life.  When hard times come, and we learn to cope - to bend in the wind instead of letting it knock us over - we will find that the next time a worse storm comes, a stronger wind, we will be able bend a little more.  We won't break, because our roots are stronger, our muscles more limber.  And we find ourselves bending a little further, and dancing a little stronger in the wind.  Far beyond what we ever imagine we could
  
i know, as i look back, that had i not faced hard times before... i would not be able to face the hard times now... and those to come...
  
"Thank you for all the trials in my life that made me strong enough for this.  Make me stronger, Lord.  Lead me on to the next storm.  And please remind me to keep bending when i feel like breaking.  To rely on You as my roots... my stronghold in the wind."
 
-written 5/5/2011-

...blank page...

A blank page before me.  The keys of my computer ready to break into a symphony of clattering tap-tapping.  A million metaphors and similes are at my disposal.  Cloudy ideas and images float around in my head.  An endless array of feelings to choose from.  But i can't seem to choose.  i can't find an idea that seems worth describing.  My keys go silent as i try to think of a reason to say something.  i look around my room.  See all the worthless things i hold dear.

i look back at the blank page before me.  The keys still waiting to be touched.  My mind is still wandering.  My fingers idle.
Then i hear the keys going tap-tap.  And somehow i write what i feel, although no one will understand, except for maybe me.
-written 4/28/2011-

...little toad...

Last night I caught a toad.  I took a sweet little girl, about two years old, outside and immediately she was asking about finding a toad.  Making a sweet noise with her tongue and looking everywhere for the little creatures.  I don't know how, but i found one and caught it.  When i showed it to her, her entire face lit up!  It was so sweet to see the innocent joy on her face in such a simple creature!

Crazy how much beauty was in that little animal.  It was so special to have that little toad cling to my finger and to be able to look at it.  To see it's amazing eyes staring back at me and the shape of its tiny head.  To watch it move and breathe.  Full of life.  A perfect creation by God.  A quiet reminder of all He is, and all He has done.  Giver of life, Creator of beauty, Lord of all.

-written 4/26/2011-

goodnight world

In bed
at night
with my eyes half closed

i listen to the world.

 

i hear the sound of the highway -

an ever-present noise.
 
A siren sounds,
i wonder where it is going,
and pray that it gets there in time.

   
I hear the honk of an eighteen wheeler
and the sound of its big tires on the highway.

   
A train whistles as it passes.

The streetlight outside my window shines in.

    
All reminders that the world keeps going even while i'm sleeping.
 
goodnight world.

-written 4/5/2011-

moonlight dance

Sand between my toes.
Midnight moonlight dancing on the ocean to a far off melody -
the quiet song of the waves on the shore.
   

Wet and soft is the sand underneath my feet.
It gives way to my toes as i run along the beach
flying in the rushing air.
   

The wind catches my hair
spreading it wide in a sail behind me.
i stretch out my arms and spin around.
Joining the moonlight in its dance to the music of the waves.
  

i splash ankle deep in the water,
smell the salty air,
feel the refreshing tide as it laps over my feet.
  

This beach is mine - for a moment.
  

i could walk along the edge of the water forever,
just dancing in the moonlight.
Free.

-written 4/5/2011-

........daydreaming.........

Songs play backward and forward in my head.
Music turned up.
 
In the middle of a song i hear myself humming along
and my mind is wandering again.
 
I smile at the visiting thought of someone.
Wondering if someone is thinking of me.
 
The song continues to play,
pictures of other days and imagined moments flash through my head.
  
Silence... 
 and i have forgotten what the end of the song just said.

But I don't care,
because i can see the face of someone who isn't here.
 
My glance falls on the school in front of me.
I pick up my pencil,
take one last glance out the window,
and try to shut my daydreams away for a little while.

-written 4/1/2011-