in the midst of the mist of confusion

Confusion creeps in like a unforeseen mist, blinding me from my future.  Scattering my plans.  The little drops hang suspended in midair, landing on my skin.  i breathe in and my lungs fill with it, and my pace slows.  i reach in front of me, into the milky air through which i can't see.  My steps are tentative, slow, laborious.  My mind slowly clouds and i feel unconscious in my consciousness.  blind.  My heart aches, wanting to see, but i can't.  Dreams of the sun, of flowers.  Anything to dispel this sticky air that clings to me, pulling me down, drenching me, smothering me.
  
    And in the mist i see a hand, a foot.  Walking in front of me, the only things i can see in my blind stumbling.  No more of my bold steps, but i see something, glimpse hope.  A voice calling me, telling me to be bold, follow the path He makes, and i will not fall.
  The mist groans, and whispers to me, enticing me to stay, to wallow in it's coolness.  My brain clouds over again, but i force myself to blindly step out and follow the disappearing feet of my Guide.  Boldly stepping, until i can't go on again. 
 And then, just like before, He will come back for me.  Coax me on when i am weak and don't feel as if i can stand any longer.
 
       look... just look... keep looking and one day you will see... it may not be for a long time, but eventually you will see.
Right now i can't see why things happen, why i feel the ways i do.  But i know, that just like in my life before now, i will see.  And even if it isn't until i go to heaven, i will see.
-written 3/4/2011-